


Life: A Work in Progress

by collinmh (destihecker)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: (kind of), Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Angst, Anxiety Disorder, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Bottom Castiel, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Castiel and Gabriel are Roommates, Castiel and Jimmy Novak Are Twins, Castiel and Mental Health Issues, Dean Hates Jimmy Novak, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Castiel, Hate to Love, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mistaken Identity, Misunderstandings, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Castiel, Panic Attacks, Rating May Change, Top Dean Winchester, wow that was actually a suggested tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 06:32:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8002075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destihecker/pseuds/collinmh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Persuaded by his (emotionally healthy, mind you) brother to attend college, Castiel is terrified of the future. Having struggled with mental health complications most his life, the risks seem to outweigh the benefits. He takes the leap anyway. And as if the situation wasn't petrifying enough, Castiel just has to come face-to-face with Jimmy's high school nemesis. Of course.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life: A Work in Progress

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so first and foremost I want to say, updates may be sporadic. Just as like a warning I guess? But anyway! I actually started this awhile ago but am just now determined to work on it more regularly. Also, this fic deals pretty heavily with mental illness. I will try to put any appropriate trigger warnings at the top of each chapter. Another note: this is unbeta'd.
> 
> Trigger warning: panic attack

“Jesus christ, Cas. You know, I’d never thought something like this would happen to me. Shit.”

Castiel sat on the edge of his bed, watching carefully as his brother paced to and fro. Jimmy wore a deep set scowl, his arms folded tight against his chest.

Shifting slightly in his seat, Castiel huffed. “Jimmy,” he said. “I’m fairly sure that if Tara was willing to cheat on you, she’s no longer interested in a relationship. This doesn’t exactly seem like an open-ended situation.”

Jimmy stopped moving, finally turning to look the other boy in the eye. Although, he wasn’t so much ‘looking’ as he was flat-out glaring. “That’s not the point. Sure, of course I’m gonna break up with her. Of course. It’s this douchebag she slept with that I’m worried about.”

Castiel cocked his head, frowning. “Why? I would just forget about him. He’s clearly a terrible person and isn’t worth your time.”

“First of all, I’m honoured that you think I’m above grudges,” Jimmy said. “But I’m not. I’m not just gonna let this guy pull the ‘oh, I didn’t know she was in a relationship’ card and--”

“He didn’t know she was in a relationship? Did he at least apologize?” Castiel asked. He didn’t want to admit to his brother how lost he was. Of course, he understood why Jimmy was angry. Furious, even. What he didn’t understand was how Jimmy expected to remedy the situation in any way other than moving past it.

The pacing was back. “I mean, yeah. Except I doubt the dirtbag meant it. I mean, what kind of douche name is ‘Dean Winchester,’ anyway? He knew. He definitely knew, and I’m not gonna let him off easy,” Jimmy said, finishing at a mutter.

“Please don’t do anything drastic,” Castiel was quick to add in. “It’s really not worth exacerbating the situation. It really isn’t.”

Jimmy snorted.

  


__

  
One of the disadvantages of online school is that Castiel was the last to know his brother had gotten suspended. A fight, apparently.

With Dean Winchester.

Upon hearing the update from his understandably distressed mother, Castiel began to wonder if he was the one more fit for public school, not Jimmy. He may have had an utter breakdown at the thought of an in-person presentation, but at least he had the sense not to sock some asshole in the nose.

In fact, that night, Castiel was pretty sure he was harder on Jimmy than anyone so far had been.

“Are you an idiot? How was that even worth it? I’m surprised he didn’t choose to press criminal charges. You’re aware that assault it illegal, right?”

Jimmy sighed. This time, they stood in his own room, keeping only a slight distance from each other. Castiel was fully aware that he was in Jimmy’s face, but he couldn’t be bothered to care.

“I know,” Jimmy said. “You’re like, the fifth person to go over this with me. I get it.”

Castiel shook his head. “Well, I know for a fact that Mom didn’t say much. You realize how upset you made her, right? She can barely talk without crying. Did you even consider the consequences this would have on everyone around you? You should have--”

“I get it,” Jimmy cut in. “I get it, okay? I fucked up. Could you just stop chastising me, please?” He then took a few steps back and away from Castiel, a scowl obvious on his face.

“Okay. Fine, I’ll leave you alone. I hope you realize that you’ve accomplished nothing in your favour,” Castiel said, letting out another heavy breath.

Jimmy didn’t respond.

Castiel left the room.

  


__

  
Even as Jimmy’s suspension came and went, he didn’t appear to recover from his hatred toward Dean Winchester. Castiel witnessed this firsthand. Or, heard it, more specifically. Jimmy wouldn’t shut up.

He would slip it into everyday conversation. “Yeah, I mean, I’m pretty excited for graduation. You know what would make it even better? If Dean tripped on-stage. That would be hilarious.”

Still, while Castiel wouldn’t help but develop a distaste for Dean overtime, that could mainly be attributed to the fact that he was so utterly sick of hearing about him. Couldn’t Jimmy move past anything? Shockingly, yes.

A couple of months passed, and the constant talk of the evil, evil Dean Winchester died down substantially. It still managed to work it’s way into even slightly relevant conversations, but it was definitely subdued.

The remainder of Castiel’s senior year wasn’t spent much differently than the past few. A steady alternation between schoolwork and panic attacks. He didn’t have a ‘work-play’ balance. Instead, it was something more of a ‘work-panic’ balance. ‘Play’ was a rare but pleasant surprise.

One of the worst attacks hit in late February, upon Castiel receiving his first, and only, college acceptance letter in the mail. The memory itself was hazy, replaced mostly by a static-obscured screen. He’d been in the kitchen, that much he remembered.

Next thing he knew, he was on the living room couch, heaving. Jimmy was positioned beside him, a firm hand on his brother’s upper back. Jimmy was talking. Castiel wasn’t processing.

“Cas? Cas! C’mon, are you listening? Cas, please, just listen. I’m trying to help.”

Castiel perked up. He paused, before rubbing his eyes. There were fresh tears staining his cheeks. He turned toward his brother.

Jimmy wore a small smile. “Well, listen up, buddy,” he said. His tone was gentle. “I’m not even gonna ask you what happened. I’m just here to--”

“College,” Castiel said, voice weak. He sounded like he’d been gargling nails. He turned away from his brother, looking across the room instead. “I got an acceptance letter from Northeast Kansas University.”

There was a brief silence, before Castiel felt Jimmy’s hand leave his back. “Really? That’s great! I told you applying to college would be a good idea. See, just one school. Like I said. That’s all it would take. I knew you’d get in. I--”

“Jimmy!” Castiel managed to croak. He sounded pathetic. This was humiliating. “If you couldn’t tell, I’m not exactly cheerful right now.”

Jimmy clicked his tongue. “Well, you should be. You deserve it. This is going to be good for you, man. I mean, you spent the last four years cooped up inside. Going to a regular school is going to be great. You’ll love it,” he said.

“You say that as if agoraphobia isn’t a factor here.”

“Cas,” Jimmy said. He gave the other boy another light clap on the back. “I really, honest to god believe that you can do this.”

Castiel snorted. “Your faith isn’t going to repair my mental health.”

There was a short pause before Jimmy responded. “C’mon, don’t tell me you’re considering not going.”

“You were the one who convinced me to apply,” Castiel said, speaking slowly. “I never wanted to. You couldn’t have honestly expected me to go through with it.”

Jimmy proceeded to make a strange noise, something along the lines of a sigh and a gasp. “Of course I expected you to go through with it! I mean, yeah, I guess I didn’t exactly expect it to be easy. But I know that you’re ambitious. Even if you aren’t open about it. You want something out of your life,” he said.

Castiel grunted, turning again to look at his brother. “And how would you know that?”

Jimmy shrugged. “Twin telepathy?”

“Well, why can’t I at least do what you’re doing?” Castiel countered. “Maybe a gap year could be good for me.”

“No, it wouldn’t,” Jimmy said. “We’re different, Cas. I know you. If you don’t jump right into something, you’ll find the time to talk yourself out of it. Please, man. You’ll be happier in the end if you stop overthinking it. And I promise, I’ll be there to support you, every step of the way. Got it?”

Shifting slightly in his seat, Castiel took a moment to close his eyes. It was more than clear that his brother didn’t understand what he was experiencing. “Overthinking” didn’t even begin to cover the severity of the situation.

Still, Jimmy wanted him to succeed. Jimmy was there for him. Maybe it was time just to take a blind leap.

“Cas? You there?”

Castiel jolted back to life. He sighed. “I’ll do it,” he said, voice cracking. “But if I drop out after one semester, don’t be surprised.”

As Jimmy was hugging the other boy, he muttered, “If you drop out, I’ll kill you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments mean a lot and kudos are awesome too! [And here's my tumblr](http://destihecker.tumblr.com)


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